Halloween: Micheal Myers has a yard sale!
by weirdDAR
Summary: So first, Michael Myers has a yardsale, then he fights for the kingdom of hell...then he has a surprise birthday part...then a lot of crazy, unneccesary stuff starts to happen. NOW WITH A NEW CONCLUSION. YOU HEARD IT HERE. NO BIG DEAL, BUT IT'S A NEW END.
1. Halloween: Micheal has a yardsale.

Halloween: Yard sale.  
by weirdDAR  
  
Micheal Myers takes a break from his killing spree to have a...YARD SALE!!!!!!  
  
PG-13 for violence and crude humor and a little sex scene.  
  
*Scene starts out at the myer's house.*   
Narrarator: This is the Myer's house. Where, we all know, Micheal Myers once lived. Some say he still lives here. Some say he moved to L.A. Others don't know what the hell we were talking about when we asked them. Anywho, Micheal Myers, indeed, still lives here. Here he comes now  
  
***Micheal Myers(played by Mike Myers) walks into his house holding a Publix grocery bag***  
  
Narrarator: Yes, that is the famous Micheal Myers. Oh, whatever is he doing on this nice Friday night? Preparing for another killing spree? Getting ready for a booty call? Well, the answer is no and hell no. He is preparing for a...YARD SALE!! That's right. Micheal Myers will hold a yard sale, tommorow morning. Selling things from his home.   
  
*Next scene: next morning outside of the Myer's house. At least 7 tables of stuff from Myer's house. Micheal is standing on the front porch. He stares at everyone shopping in his yard. About 5 old ladies and 10 gothic teenagers are there. One of the goth teens come up to Micheal with a broken axe*  
Goth teen#1: How much for the broken axe?  
*Myers makes a thinking pose and then signals the teen he can have it for free*  
Goth teen#1: Thanks, dude!  
*Myers gives the goth teen a thumbs up, the teen walks away*  
*Another goth teen comes up to Micheal, but without anything*  
Goth teen #2: Are you the famous Micheal Myers?  
*Myers shakes his head yes*  
Goth teen#2: Can I have your autograph?  
*Myers shakes his head yes, pulls out his knife and carves his name into the teen's forehead.*  
Goth teen#2: *shaken* t-t-thanks! *walks away*  
*one of the old ladies faints*  
*An old lady brings a set of knifes, which have blood stains on all of them*  
OLD LADY#2: How much for these?  
*Myers holds up ten fingers*  
Old Lady#2: Ten dollars? That's a great price!  
*she pulls out a twenty*  
Old Lady#2: could you break this 20?  
*******WHITE ZOMBIE's "more human than human" starts to play in the background********  
*myers is obviously getting pissed off, he takes out a knife and slices the old lady's throat, the old lady that fainted earlier, got up and saw this...she faints again. All the goth teens watch in excitement. Myers takes a chain saw from one of the tables and cuts the fainted lady's leg's off. She dies and everyone(but the goths) run. Myers chases each and everyone, leaving the goths alone, he kills all the old lady's.*  
*Myers speak his first words...*  
Micheal: ANYONE ELSE WANT ME TO BREAK A 20????  
*White zombie's "more human than human" stops playing*  
Micheal: (still pissed) I WILL HAVE MORE ITEMS TOMMOROW...I EXPECT TO SEE ALL OF YOU HERE...OR I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN. BRING YOUR FRIENDS! *Myers goes inside. The goths run in excitement*  
*IN ONE OF THE GOTH'S (by the name: Dirk)BEDROOM, HE IS WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND, (by the name Trish)*  
Dirk: So I was at Micheal Myer's house today...he had a yardsale, he ended up killing all these old ladies, it was so cool.  
Trish: Look, Dirk, I'm the attractive survivor of the movie. So let's just have sex. I'm not interested in anything else.  
(They start having sex, but for the fun of pissing the audience off, we don't show anything. No nipples, no nothing! HA!)  
  
*NEXT DAY, BACK AT MYER'S FRONT YARD...about 50 goth teens are there, shopping.*  
Dirk: Isn't this fun?  
Trish: Not as much fun as sex...want to do that?  
Dirk: Look, Trish, there is more to sex--wait, what am I saying? I am a teenage male in a horror movie...I love sex!  
(They start to have sex there in the yard, Micheal Myers sees them. Myers moves from his porch, towards the two...Norman Bates(played by Jim Carrey) stops him)  
Norman: where the have you been, Micheal?*crying* you haven't called since our last date!  
*Myers takes his knife and stabs Norman, Norman falls, still crying. Myers keeps walking towards the sex scene...which, by the way is now finnished. Dirk is smoking a cigeratte and Trish is rethinking her sexuality*   
*Myers stabs both of them*  
Trish: OW! That hurt...you can't kill me! I'm the survivor!  
*Myers stabs her again, Dirk is already dead*  
Trish: (as she dies,)oh...shit...Jamie Lee Curtis...ended up dying...so I guess the survivor isn't always a...survivor!(Trish officially dies, Myers walks back to his porch)  
*Chucky, the evil doll,(Voice by Chris Tucker) comes up to Myers*  
Chucky:Yo, my man, we have a meeting tonight. Satan is going to give either you or Freddy the kingdom of hell! Maybe you should stob by the lodge in case you get it!  
*myers agrees to going, Chucky leaves....Myers watches everyone shop for evil stuff. He laughs...everyone stares and he stops laughing*  
  
NEXT CHAPTER:(If I get some good reviews)  
Micheal attends the meeting. But what he doesn't know, he must FIGHT for the kingdom of hell! evil villains, such as, Candyman(played by Chris Tucker) Jason (Played by Janet Reno) Norman Bates(Jim Carrey) Chucky(Chris Tucker) Freddy (Jim Carrey) and Satan will be played by....(well, you have to read the next chapter to find that out) 


	2. Halloween: fight for kingdom of hell

Halloween: the fight for the kingdom of hell.  
by weirdDAR  
  
where we last left our friend, Micheal Myers, he was having a successful yard sale. Well, Chucky, the evil doll informs Myers the devil is going to give either him or Freddy the kingdom of hell. What he doesn't know is he's going to have to go through some challenges to win it. So like Halloween2, we're going to pick up right where we last left off.  
  
*Chucky, the evil doll,(Voice by Chris Tucker) comes up to Myers*  
Chucky:Yo, my man, we have a meeting tonight. Satan is going to give either you or Freddy the kingdom of hell! Maybe you should stob by the lodge in case you get it!  
*myers agrees to going, Chucky leaves....Myers watches everyone shop for evil stuff. He laughs...everyone stares and he stops laughing*  
Chucky:(comes back) Oh, did I tell you how to get there?  
*Myers shakes his head 'no'*  
Chucky: Dig a hole seven feet deep and your there.   
*Myers stares in confusion, but you can't tell because he's wearing a mask*  
Chucky: Oh, well, here you can access hell by digging seven feet deep. Not in any other state though.  
*Myers shakes his head.*  
  
*IN HELL*  
(All the horror movie villians you can think of are sitting in chairs and talking to each other.)  
(Myers walks in, he puts his knife down on a table with a sign that says, "PLEASE LEAVE ALL OF YOUR WEAPONS AT THIS TABLE")  
(Myers looks around the room and notices there are no more chairs.)  
CANDYMAN:*notices Myers standing around* hey, you can have my chair. I don't need it.  
(Myers takes the chair and Candy man stands in the back alone)  
*A door titled "mens" opens, tons of red smoke comes out, along with a dark figure. When the dark figure appears, it turns out to be Satan himself.(played by*drumroll*....Bill Cosby)*  
Satan: Everyone, please, sit. Anyone that doesn't have a chair must leave  
(candy man leaves in depression. Myers looks at him and shrugs his shoulders)  
Satan: Well, *sits in his huge chair* you have all been called upon to watch Freddy Krueger and Micheal Myers to fight for the kingdom of hell. Originally it was Jason vs. Freddy, but Hollywood is making a movie on that. So, we're using Micheal vs. Freddy. Anyway, as everyone watches, enjoy some puddin' pops. (Everyone looks at the snack bar, where Weird Al is standing, eatting pudding pops.)  
Weird al: Hi! You're probably wondering what I'm doing here. Well, it was an interesting story really. I sold my soul for a real record deal.   
*back to Satan*  
Satan: Everyone, I introduce to you...Freddy K.!   
(the wall behind Satan rises and purple smoke comes out. Freddy steps out. Everyone cheers.)  
Satan: And...Micheal Myers! (The floor under Myer's feet drops and Myers falls in. Everyone, in silence, hears Myer's screaming. 5 seconds later, Myers falls from the ceiling and sits the ground hard. Everyone cheers him too.)  
Satan: Let the figting begin!  
(Freddy and Micheal start beating each other up. Satan stops them)  
Satan: now, now, now. That's not how we fight here. If either of you want the kingdom of hell, you're going to fight MY way.  
  
*30 minutes later, Micheal and Freddy are in a wrestling cage.*  
Satan: (In the announcer's booth) We are here today to witness...Micheal Myers and Freddy go through 3 challenges. The winner will be the new king of all evil!   
For our first challenge,   
(In front of Freddy and Micheal, an oven and some food comes up, out of the ground.)  
The EASY-BAKE-OVEN CHALLENGE! Our contestants are in a steel cage, which neither of them may escape. They must bake to the death as challenge number one beings(the bell rings)  
(Freddy and Micheal each put aprons on and rubber gloves.)  
Freddy: You don't stand a chance, Micheal!  
*Micheal, ignoring Freddy, puts a lump of dough in his easy bake oven and sets the temp. and time.*  
*Freddy, puts a ham in his easy bake oven, sets the temp. and time*  
Satan: And they are off! Micheal, cooking bread and Freddy cooking a honey bake ham. Who will do the best? Our judges, Al Roker, Linda Hamilton and John Goodman will tell us.  
*ONE HOUR LATER*  
(Freddy and Micheal put their food in front of the judges. They test them both)  
Al: Micheal makes a mean slice of bread(Laughs) but Freddy makes a better ham. So I say Freddy should win.   
*Micheal takes a knife from a table and stabs Al in his stomach.*  
Al: You think that hurts? It's all fat! HA HA!  
*Micheal, instead cuts Al's throat.*  
Al: Common, there isn't a blood vessel in my neck for miles!  
*Micheal stabs him in the head. Al falls to the floor, dead.*  
Al: (Before he dies) that's better.  
(The next judge, Linda Hamilton, testes both foods.)  
Linda: Oh, without doubt, Micheal should win.   
(she winks at him, Micheal blushes...but we can't tell because he's wearing a damn mask.)  
*Freddy, pissed off, slices Linda's face up*  
(They go to the final judge, John Goodman)  
Satan: This will be the tie breaker...John Goodman. Will John hessitate because he knows whoever he votes agaisnt will kill him? Let's hope so!  
(John starts shaking)  
John: Uh...uh...uh...They're both good?  
(Micheal and Freddy both go to kill him. John screams in a girly voice.)  
John: nooooooooooo  
Satan:(comes out the annoucer's booth) Don't worry fellas, there are still more challenges to come.  
*30 minutes later, Micheal and Freddy appear in a greenhouse*  
Satan: (in the announcer's booth) Freddy and Micheal will now go agaisnt each other to see who can plant the best sunflower!  
(The bell rings to start the match)  
*Both, Freddy and Micheal start digging a hole. they put the sunflower seeds in the hole and plants them.*  
(Micheal uses a super fast growing power water.)  
(Freddy uses regular water)  
Freddy: damn, I need to get some of that.  
(Micheal's plant grows but dies right away)  
Freddy: HA HA! You lose!   
(Micheal pulls Freddy's seeds out, causing Freddy to lose too)  
Satan: and once again, there is not a determined winner. So if someone actually wins this next round, he will win the kingdom of hell.  
*30 minutes later, Freddy and Micheal are in a bathroom*  
Satan: The final match will be who can clean this bathroom the best.  
*The bell rings and they start cleaning their own toilet*  
Freddy: Give up, micheal! You cannot wiN!  
(Micheal, still ignoring Freddy, cleans fast and furiously)  
  
*10 minutes later*  
Satan: Well, I have made my mind up, and I've decided the winner will be....................none of you. You're nothing but two stupid losers fighting for hell. You both kill the judges. you both plant horrible sunflowers and you can't clean shit up worth shit. So I'm going to keep the kingdom of hell all to myself for another 30,000,000 years.  
(Micheal and Freddy, both leave hell dissappointed.)  
Freddy: I'm glad I can't die, because I never want to see that bastard again!  
(Micheal agrees with him, they both go their seperate ways.)  
(Once Freddy leaves hell, he goes back into 'dreamland')  
(Once Micheal leaves, he comes up with a brilliant plan.)  
  
NEXT CHAPTER:  
Micheal Myers, the master of killing innocent teenagers, birthday is coming up soon. And all the horror movie villians are holding a suprize party for him. It's actually funny with the outcome of this. PLUS, we all learn a horror movie secert that no one else knows....all in THE NEXT CHAPTER: Micheal's suprize party. 


	3. Halloween: Micheal's suprize party

Halloween: Micheal's suprize party  
by weirdDAR  
  
the third installment of this series(I don't know if this will be the last one or not.) So far this is the best series I've written. So I'll probably do more. R&R  
  
where we last left off....  
Satan: Well, I have made my mind up, and I've decided the winner will be....................none of you. You're nothing but two stupid losers fighting for hell. You both kill the judges. you both plant horrible sunflowers and you can't clean shit up worth shit. So I'm going to keep the kingdom of hell all to myself for another 30,000,000 years.  
(Micheal and Freddy, both leave hell dissappointed.)  
Freddy: I'm glad I can't die, because I never want to see that bastard again!  
(Micheal agrees with him, they both go their seperate ways.)  
(Once Freddy leaves hell, he goes back into 'dreamland')  
(Once Micheal leaves, he comes up with a brilliant plan.)  
*Back at the Myer's house*  
(Micheal starts to slowly open his door. Why? because it causes suspense. When he does open the door, he notices the lights are off. well, he left the lights off and they are always off, so it wasn't weird. When Micheal stepped in his house, the lights turned on and everyone inside screamed:)  
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!  
(Micheal stares in confustion, because it isn't his birthday)  
Norman Bates: I know we're not going out anymore, Micheal, but I planned this suprize party for you. I hope you like it!  
Blade:(from 'Master of puppets'.) (laughs and tries to say something, but he can't talk)  
The Lepercaun: (Played by some irish guy) What Mr. Blade is trying to say is, we all want you to have a happy birthday, even if you didn't win the kingdom of hell.  
(Micheal uses his knife to chop the Lepercaun's head off)  
(Some old guy that knows everything is the narrarator...let's use Anthony Hopkins!)  
Narrarator: Yes, as no one else knows, the only one that can kill a horror movie villian, is in fact, another horror movie villian. That's a big secert that has been held for years. Micheal Myers has just killed the Lepercaun. You would think that's impossible. ANd you would think I'm blabbering, and I am. But the truth of the fact is...(Micheal Myers goes offscreen and kills the narrarator)AHHHHHHHH(he screams)  
(The new Narrarator: played by Jim Carrey)  
Narrarator: Micheal Myers suprize party all goes well, but what about that brilliant plan he had? We may never know! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...  
*back to the party*  
Pennywise(from 'it'): Hello, Micheal. *hands Micheal a wrapped present* This is from me.  
*Micheal opens it*  
Pennywise: They're streamers...for your bike!  
*Micheal smiles, you can't tell because of his mask. But he goes outside and puts his pink streamers on his bike handles...when he comes back in, Pinhead(from hellraiser) hands him a wrapped present. Micheal opens it*  
Pinhead: It's a knitting set. So you can knit some blankets and stuff  
*Micheal smiles again and gives pinhead a hug*  
Narrarator: After an hour of opening presents and eatting cake, Micheal's front door explodes...the smoke clears and it appears to be CANDY MAN!  
Candy man: YOU! You took my chair and I ended up not getting to watch the fight! You, Micheal, shall die!  
*Candyman runs towards Micheal, but Pennywise puts a mirror in Candy man's way. Candyman gets trapped in the mirror.*  
Candyman: (inside the mirror) common, say my name so I can get out! someone? Anyone?  
(Someone in the crowd)  
I will! Beetle juice, Beetle Juice, Beetle Juice!  
Candyman: that's not my name, dammit!  
(Beetle juice appears in the doorway)  
Beetlejuice: Did someone say my name?  
(Micheal shakes his head no)  
(Beetlejuice walks out, depressed)  
Pennywise:(screams) Let's play 'pin the tail on the donkey'!   
Narrarator: Everyone cheers and begins to play. Of course, with every party...there is a party pooper.  
(Everyone hears a toilet flush, everyone stares to see who walks out of the bathroom)  
Narrarator: it's...it's...GOD!  
God:(played by Mr. T) Hello. I just stopped by to use the bathroom...I hope no one minds.  
(All the villians go after him)  
God: I pitty da foo who try to take down Mr. god!  
(God disappears before the writer can write anything that will offend someone)  
Narrarator: Now, what about that brilliant plan? Well, since the party is over now...maybe we'll find out.  
(Micheal stands there in silence, he shakes his head no.)  
*Micheal rights on a piece of paper*  
"I FORGOT"  
(Micheal is shown cleaning up after everyone. He looks around the house and sees his messy living room. Camera zooms up to his eye. YOu see a tear.)  
*Pinhead and Pennywise are standing on the other side of the room with trash bags*  
Pinhead: Hey, Don't cry...we'll clean it up.  
Pennywise: See?(they pick up trash)  
(In case you didn't know...this scene is a parody of an old commercial about littering...you might not find it funny unless you've seen the commercial)  
  
NEXT CHAPTER:   
Well, I honestly don't know what I'm going to do for the fourth installment. I don't even know if I'm going to put a fourth chapter up yet. Maybe. Maybe not. It all really depends on the reviews. 


	4. Halloween: the secerts

Halloween: The secerts of the trilogy.  
by weirdDAR  
  
Plot: Well, I figured since I had no idea what to do for the fourth installment of my Michael Myers parody...I would open up some secerts. And here's your host...me!  
  
weirdDAR: I'm here at the Myer's house, on the front porch...as you can see*you can see me standing on the front porch.*   
(The front door begins to open slowly)  
weirdDAR: and here he is now, Micheal Myers.  
(Instead of Micheal, it's a woman, who obviously is a hooker)  
weirdDAR: WHo are you?  
hooker: I'm Micheal Myer's sex slave...  
(she runs away)  
weirdDAR: well, that was a bit akward. Um...let's open a secert right now...Who is Micheal Myers?  
*Micheal Myers sits in a chair, think of it like 'behind the music'*  
Micheal: Well, I play Micheal Myers, but what I really am, deep down inside, is more than Evil...it's HATE!  
*Back to weirdDAR*  
weirdDAR: OKAY! What the people would like to know is why are you MICHEAL instead of Michael.  
*Back the Myers*  
Micheal: Well, originally it was to save you, the writer, from getting sued by miramax, or whoever the hell makes the Halloween movies.  
*Back to weirdDAR*  
weirdDAR: Wasn't that interesting? Well, really and truthfully, it was a constant typo...Micheal just made it better and less embarrassing for me. For the next question, why doesn't Micheal talk?  
*To Myers*  
Micheal: I only talk in my interviews. I don't talk because I have a sore throat for all eternity. But since I'm out of character right now, I can talk.  
*To weirdDAR*  
weirdDAR: What's next for the Micheal Myer's fan fiction parody series?  
*to Myers*  
Micheal: Well, the next chapter is going to involve me, Laurie, and most of my family...even the dead ones. They'll be raised from the grave to join me on the Jerry Springer show. It's a really good concept I came up with.  
*to me*  
weirdDAR: I came up with that idea, Mike.  
*to myers*  
Micheal: Uh-huh.  
*to me*  
weirdDAR: Now, for the final question...we're going to answer the absolute number one asked question out there(about Micheal Myers)...How come Micheal Myers cannot die?  
(Unknown voice from above)  
I'll answer that!  
weirdDAR: Oh my god! It's John Carpenter! The creater of Micheal Myers!  
(John is appearing to fly in the air, carrying a labtop. He lands on Micheal's front lawn)  
weirdDAR: Are you going to answer the question why Micheal Myers cannot die?  
John: Yes, I will(opens his labtop, it's on some website)  
This is the reason Micheal Myers cannot die.  
(we see he is on his bank account. It says 8.2 million dollars.)  
John: Yes, the only reason Micheal Myers cannot die is because he keeps my bank account alive! Plus, I bidded on an autographed Jason hockey mask...so I'm going to have to sue you over this series.  
weirdDAR: No, that's okay*snaps my fingers* Micheal is on my side now. (Micheal opens the door and walks towards John Carpenter with a knife)  
John: No! I created you! Do not turn on me! I created you!  
(Micheal stabs John over and over, until he falls over and dies.)  
*weirdDAR gives Micheal high five*  
weirdDAR: thanks man.  
Micheal: (coughing) now don't disturb me again, I was on the shitter. (he goes back inside)  
weirdDAR: there you have it! All of the answers you want to know...all here. Thank you, and the new chapter will be up soon! Please leave a review! 


	5. Halloween: Jerry Springer show

Halloween: Jerry Springer  
by weirdDAR  
  
Announcer: Today, on the Jerry Springer show! Our topic will be, "homicidal maniacs and their family members" And here is your host, JERRY SPRINGER!  
*The crowd chants 'Jerry' as Jerry comes out from back stage*  
Jerry: Hello, and welcome to today's edition of the Jerry Springer show. Today's topic, "Homicidal Maniacs and their family members" Our first guest was suppose to be Drew Carey, but he couldn't make it. Instead, we have the second best...Micheal Myers? What's up with that? I thought it's spelled Michael?  
*The stage manager comes out and whispers in his ear*  
Jerry: Oh, a constant typo? *concentrates on the show* Well, let's bring him out. Here he is, Micheal Myers!*He does that stupid thing he does with his arm...you know what I'm talking about*  
(Micheal Myers walks out from back stage)  
Jerry: How are you doing Micheal?  
(Micheal stares in silence)  
Jerry: Fine don't talk. I don't even feel like suprizeing you. Let's just bring out your sister, Judith Myers!  
(Judith walks out)  
(Micheal does a confused look, but as you know, you can't tell because of the mask)  
Jerry:Yes, we all know you killed her. But we brought her back from the dead.  
(Micheal takes out a knife and goes after his sister)  
Jerry: No Micheal!  
Judith: Kill me, you son of a *beep* (yes, I know they don't usually beep that word out, but the show has lasted for like a minute now and there hasn't been any beeps so I had to beep something or it wouldn't be the Jerry Springer show)  
Jerry: Wait, Micheal.(Micheal stops and stares at Jerry in impatienceness) Why do you want to kill her?  
(Micheal pulls out a video tape. The label appears to be "Halloween: the curse of Michael Myers")  
Jerry: NO! Don't make us watch that please! Just kill Judith and be on with it.  
Judith: What?  
Jerry: Sorry, but I can't stand to watch another stupid Halloween movie.  
Judith: Oh, *beep* you Jerry!  
(Micheal staps her in the stomach about three times, she falls down and dies. Micheal sits in one of the chairs)  
Jerry: Let's talk to someone in the audience. (Everyone raises their hands, Jerry pickes a random person)  
Person: Yeah, you in the mask! (Micheal looks around, and points to himself) Yes, you! How come you wear that mask? Are you ugly or something?  
(Micheal ignores this guy)  
Person: hey I'm talking to yoU! Answer me, dammit. (The person goes up on stage, he yells some words, most of them get beeped. Micheal stands up and goes to stab him, but the person knocks the knife out of Micheal's hand)  
Person: Not so tough without your knife, huh?  
(Micheal shrugs his shoulders and chokes the guy. Security are too afraid to stop him. The person falls to the floor, dead)  
Jerry: Um...let's go to a commercial and when we come back, I'll give my final thought.  
  
*To commercial*  
Commercial lady: Have you been sexually harrassed? stabbed? Murdered? Burried alive? Well if you have....call us and we can help! 1-900-piss-off9  
  
(next commercial)  
Some guy: my ass itches and I don't like it. What do I do?  
(A magic tube starts to float in the air)  
what are you?  
The magic tube: I am nothing more than a magic tube of ass creme!   
Some guy: you can help my itching?  
The magic tube: Yes, all you have to do is get your best friend to help you rub this ass creme in your ass. In five minutes of rubbing, you'll feel fine.  
Some guy: GREAT! (smiles, takes the tube and finds his friend)  
Best friend: what do you need, some guy?  
Some guy: I need you to rub this ass creme on my ass for five minutes, best friend.  
Best friend: (smiles) okay. (some guy pulls his pants down and the best friend goes down and you can hear rubbing. Some guy moans in excitement)  
Some guy: Thanks magic tube!  
  
*next commercial*  
Announcer: If you want FREE tickets to the Jerry Springer show...too damn bad. Send in 340.99 in Amercian unmarked bills and you can have a ticket. Call 1-800-Jerry-show  
  
*Back to the show*  
(Jerry is shown bending over in excitement...he sees he is being filmed)  
Jerry: Hey! Stop Tommy.  
(you see one of the security guards pop up from behind him, holding the ass creme tube)  
Jerry: Okay, (pulls his pants up and zips them) For my final thought: what have we learned from this super short episode of the Jerry Springer show? Have we learned violence isn't neccesary? Have we learned we shouldn't stab people? of course not. All we know is we had fun watching two people die. Good night.  
  
  
  
NEXT CHAPTER:  
Hmmm, I don't know. This Micheal Myers series is missing something. I don't want him to have any killing sprees because it'd be like any other 'scary movie' parody. (I'm going to make it a huge series, so if you have any ideas...email squee81@go.com I'll give you credit for the idea...I promise)  
As for now, I have no clue what the next chapter will be about. I guess you'll have just have to wait. 


	6. Halloween: the love story

Halloween: the love story.  
by weirdDAR  
  
Narrarator: Micheal sits in his bed room, writing something. What could it be? A note? What kind? A love note? No! Micheal Myers can't fall in love, he's evil...who the hell writes this stuff? No wonder your name is WEIRDDAR! You are weird! And Stupid! I quit!  
weirdDAR: he didn't mean any of that...  
  
(Micheal appears to be writing something on his desk.)  
(we get to see what he's writing--it's a poem written in a gothic handwriting.)  
"My loved one!"  
How come everytime I look into your eyes,  
you run away screaming?  
Even if we aren't friends,   
can't we be MORE than friends?  
do you like blood?  
I do.  
You know what else I like?  
you.  
Go out with me  
I hope I'm not rushing you  
MARRY ME  
MARRY ME   
MARRY ME  
I love you!  
I want you!  
I'm a virgin!  
Have sex with me!  
LOVE ME!  
with all my love, MICHAEL MYERS.  
  
(Micheal seals it with an envelope. He takes a cut off hand from his desk. It's obviously one of his's victim's hand. He peels the skin off and uses some blood to seal the envelope.)  
(Micheal runs outside and puts in his neighbor's mailbox, and runs back in his house)  
  
*ONE DAY LATER*  
(knock knock on Micheal's door)  
(Micheal answers it, and two police officers are standing there with Micheal's poem)  
Police officer1: did you send this poem to Ms. Carrie King?  
(Micheal shakes his head 'yes')  
Police officer2: You do know this is sexual harrassment right?  
(Micheal takes his knife out and kills both of them)  
(Micheal laughs and takes his poem back...he runs over to the same neighbor's house and put's it back in the mailbox...he goes back home.)  
*ONE DAY LATER*  
(knock knock on Micheal's door)  
(Micheal notices from the window it's Carrie. He brushes his mask's hair (don't you agree he needed it?) and answers it)  
Carrie: are you Michael?  
(Micheal, embarrassed, shakes his head yes)  
Carrie: Well, I don't want your stupid poem. Please don't send it to me again.  
(Micheal signals to invite her in)  
Carrie: what? come into a stranger's house? A stranger wearing a mask and is probably a serial killer? (pauses) Sure, why not?  
(she walks in, Micheal shuts the door behind her and locks it)  
Carrie: Why do you wear that mask?  
(he takes the mask off and you notice he can't breathe, then he puts it back on)  
Carrie: oh, you can't breahte without your mask?  
(he shakes his head yes)  
Carrie: How sad. But really, Mr. Myers, that poem was not the apporpriate way to approach me. I'm not just some 87 year old woman you can have sex with.   
(Micheal puts his head down)  
Carrie: Now, Mr. Myers, I know you probably thought I was 78, but I am, in fact, 87. But we can still be friends.  
(Micheal shakes his head no)  
Carrie: No?  
Micheal: (in a Darth Vadar voice) Yeah, bitch, no!  
(He takes a butcher knife and points it at her, but she has a heart attack before he can do anything)  
(When she falls to her death, Micheal sniffs the air)  
Micheal: (In the Vadar voice) I smell shit! Aw, it's her! I have to clean that!  
  
Moral of the story:  
Well, there are a few morals:  
1) Micheal is only interested in 87 year olds.  
2) If Micheal just so happens to be attracted to you, you better stay with him until death...or he'll make sure you experience death faster than you know it.  
3) Micheal is a virgin. HA HA!  
4) Serial killers are bad bad people.  
5) Serial killers cannot write good poems.  
6) Police officers should never go to a serial killer's house.  
7) Coffee can stunt your growth.  
8) That's all.  
  
  
Next Chapter:   
Micheal takes it off....his mental institution suit off and trys some various styles. In the mean time, Dirk(remember Dirk?) he's dead. but his sister's best friend's mother's god mother...she died in a car accident last week. remember Trish? Dirk's girlfriend? well, since Jamie Lee Curtis supposably died in the second one, and brought her back in H20, I thought there is no harm in bringing Trish back. 


	7. Halloween: H20later

Halloween: H20later  
by weirdDAR  
  
Note: The title is Halloween: 20 days later. It takes place 20 days after Micheal has his Yard sale in the first chapter.  
  
Narrarator: In all endings, there is an unexplained situation. That theory has nothing to do with this story. If you refer to the first Chapter, Trish and Dirk were brutally murdered. Along with some no bodies that had no names. Well, now, we're back in the Myer's house. Where instead of Micheal terrorizing some helpless victim, he's terrorized by himself.  
*I need a new style, Micheal thinks as he's walking up stairs.*  
(Micheal walks in his room and opens his closet. All you see are mental institution jump suits.)  
*I can't believe this is all I have, he thinks as he walks out of the house and get's in his car. Which to make this story funny, he is driving a BMW*  
(Micheal arrives at the mall, as he gets out, everyone who sees him runs in terror. Micheal ignores this and goes into the mall. First, he goes into a store titled "GADZOOKS")  
*In the dressing room*  
*Do I really look good in these bell bottoms? Or this wonder bra? Micheal thinks to himself*  
(When Micheal walks out of the dressing room, everyone is gone. Some people you notice are hideing behind clothes and racks of purple underwear. Micheal walks out of the store and goes across the room to "Old Navy" When he walks in, he looks around and walks back out)  
*There is nothing around here that fits MY personality, Micheal thinks to himself*  
(Micheal sees a store titled, "Hot Topic" *by the way, the readers may begin to cheer* and he walks in)  
*IN HOT TOPIC'S DRESSING ROOM*  
(System of a down's Chop Suey is heard played outside.)  
*No one ran from me when I walked in here. They all shook my hand and asked for autographs...that's a first, Micheal thought as he tried on his clothes. Micheal decided he didn't like the way he looked.*  
(In a furious rage, Micheal leaves the mall and returns home)  
(When he arrives, he notices his door is open. He enters normally because he thinks it's going to be another suprize party from all of his 'friends'. When he enters, the door shuts behind him and Trish jumps on him and starts chokeing him)  
Trish: (while strangling him) You bastard. You thought you could kill me? I'm the survivor! I cannot die.   
(Micheal falls to the floor, but don't worry...we all know he isn't dead)  
Trish: (still talking) I read the script...your not dead yet. So I'm going to tell you how I survived. Well, when I was stabbed after Dirk, I opened his body and hid in there. I lived off his inside skin and lungs. Although they were black, I had to eat them to survive. so I stayed in his body for 20 days, and here I am.   
(Micheal got back up)  
Trish: You know why I survived? Because I'm not afraid of you. So let's fight!  
(micheal pulls a knife out of no where)  
Trish(guarding her face) DON'T HURT ME PLEASE!  
(Micheal stabs her in the back)  
Trish(before she falls down)See you in Hell, Micheal (and she falls down, and finnaly dies)  
(Micheal shakes his head 'no' and thinks, crazy lady)  
(Micheal walks to his bed, up stairs and begins to write in his diary.)  
  
NEXT CHAPTER:  
Ever wonder what goes on in Micheal Myer's mind? Well, know you will get an exclusive tour of his mind. Enjoy. 


	8. Halloween: dear Diary

Halloween: Dear Diary  
by weirdDAR  
  
Note: This story may suck. I haven't written it yet. It seems like a good idea and all, but the 8th halloween movie sucked, so why wouldn't my 8th chapter? Makes sense to me.  
  
(Micheal Myers is shown sitting alone on his bed, writing in his diary)  
  
Dear Die-ary,  
Welcome to my life on this fine morning. I killed someone just a few seconds ago. I thought when I killed that dog last week, I was done with my killing spree, but obviosuly people want to get me back for killing their family and friends. I guess no one goes for the whole serial killer thing these days. Which I think sucks ass.  
Remember Carrie? I miss Carrie. I look under my bed and my blow up doll is nothing compared to her dead corpse. But she just got rusty lying there...I had to throw her away. Maybe one day, ONE DAY, I'll be able to have a woman to marry. I'm getting old now. How old am I? 70?No, I think I'm like in my 40s. I don't remember.  
I forgot to mention, I went to the mall today. Every seems afraid of me. I guess they call me Public enemy #1 for a reason. But still, they could still be nice and tip their hat to me or something. Too bad I didn't bring my knife or they all would be my christmas ham I was planning on sending to Hannible. By the way, Norman Bates called, and he's gotten a little obsesive.   
Nothing really goes on in my mind anymore. Sometimes I get random thoughts, but other than that, I have no idea what I should think. Cheese and ham go good together.  
Note to self: Don't ever let victims hide in other victim's corpses...it causes me too many problems  
I killed the narrarator before this chapter started. I get so tired of them. Our first narrarator was the best. Too bad I killed him for cheating on his wife's sister. He just stopped having sex with his wife's sister and had sex with his wife. So his wife's sister had to kill him.   
HOW COME POWDERED EGGS EXSIST?  
I can't believe the narrarators are hitting it and I'm not. It's not fair. I want some pussy too. Don't you, die-ary? I know I do. How come I cum?  
Sooner or later, this series is going to turn rated R...but for now, it's PG-13. Which is something I don't understand. I guess it's on the edge of turning R. Enough about the series, I'm wondering what the hell weirdDAR is going to do for the next chapter. This chapter, obviously, isn't going to be very popular. So what will I do next?  
LAMBS ARE FLUFFY!  
with love,  
Micheal.  
  
  
NEXT CHAPTER:  
Ever wonder what's going to happen for the last chapter? Well, the next chapter is going to be the last chapter. I decided I have played this whole thing out for too long. So the next chapter is going to be the best of all. Nice and long for all the fans. Sorry, but 9 seems like enough, right? I just want to do something else. This was funny and all, but it's being played out when the next chapter...really, honestly, needs to be the last. Coming sooner or later... 


	9. Halloween: the resErection

Halloween: resErection  
by weirdDAR(who else?)  
  
Note: Yes, I know it's been a while since I wrote another story, and truthdfully, I wasn't going to write another story on Micheal. Until "Tara" gave me a good idea. So ...uh, this story is for you Tara. Thanks for the idea.   
  
Narrarator: Where we last left off, about three months ago...Micheal Myers just wrote in his diary, and--  
(new)narrarator: Hey! You know, we're kind of tired from all this day by day shit...can't we do a prequel or something?  
Narrarator: But the script has already--  
(new)narrarator: *cuts the narrarator's throat* I'm the new narrarator...  
Everyone has seen Halloween one, well we all know Micheal killed his sister, topless. Well...here's what he was thinking, and what happened afterwards...the story you never were told, is now being told...muhawhawhaw!  
*Micheal, as a kid is walking up the stairs with the knife. We all know this scene. He enters his sister's room*  
Micheal: (thinking) Oh my god! She's nakey! What are those???? I don't have those, I just brought this knife up here to show her my deep throat trick...but now I know...my sister is a mutant, and she must die. *starts to stab her as she screams*  
Narrarator: When Micheal meets his parents outside, they're shocked and outraged...here's what you didn't see.  
Dad: Oh my god! Did you kill your sister, Micheal?  
(Micheal shakes his head 'yes')  
Dad: Who else am I suppose to get some from? Your mother? Hell no! What were you thinking?????  
Mom: Oh, dear, I'm going to go call the police.*runs inside*  
Dad: Just tell me this, son, are her boobs still attacted to her body?  
*Micheal shakes his head 'yes'*  
Dad: Oh thank god! I can still perform certain moves.  
*later that night, the three sit at the dinner table.*  
Mom: Micheal, eat your dinner...the people will be here to take you away to the crazy house.  
dad: *crying* I can't believe she's gone...and she gave it good too.  
Mom: I'm going to ignore that...  
Dad: (to MOM) Look, woman, the only reason I will EVER sleep with you again is to replace psycho boy over here.  
*Micheal stabs his dad with a fork once*  
Mom: Micheal! For the sixth time, don't stab your father!  
*Micheal puts his head down*  
*The door bell rings, and people with white suits bust the door down, taking Micheal away*  
Dad: What was the point of kicking the door down?  
One of the guys: I've just always wanted to do that...I hope you don't mind.  
Dad: No, don't worry about it. see you later, Micheal!  
*they take Micheal away*  
*At the crazy house, Dr Loomis meets Micheal for the first time.*  
Loomis: Hello, Micheal, my name is Dr. Loomis. I will be your doctor.  
Micheal: (he actually speaks) loony!  
Loomis:(calm) no, I'm Dr. LOOMIS.  
Micheal: loony!  
Loomis: (raises his voice a tiny bit)  
Micheal: Loony!  
Loomis: (angry) LOOMIS!  
Micheal: Loony!  
Loomis: (Pissed off) LOOMIS!!!!!!!!!!!! (Loomis looks Micheal into the eyes. He thinks to himself, I was told there was nothing left. No reason, no conscience, no understanding; even the most rudimentary sense of life or death, good or evil, right or wrong.)  
Micheal: LOONY!   
Loomis: (thinking to himself)I met this six-year-old child, with this blind, pale, emotionless face and, the blackest eyes... the DEVIL'S eyes!)  
Narrarator: They argued throughout the whole night. So sad. Anyway, right after Halloween: ressurection, Micheal Myers has a yard sale, and you know the rest of the story. Thanks for reading!  
  
THE END! 


	10. Halloween: the final yard sale

Halloween: the final yard sale.  
  
by weirdDAR  
  
Note: Yes, I know the last story was meant to be the final...but I just couldn't resist this one. This story was basically for the fans.  
  
Narrarator: Back to the story, five years after Micheal had his first yard sale...he begins to notice his morgage is getting low. That, saving him enough money to sell some stuff and...well, he's Micheal Myers...he doesn't need a reason.   
  
*Micheal stands on his front porch, watching the fans of his recent adventures shop.*  
  
*A fan, DOMO comes up to Micheal*  
  
Domo: Hey...is this "Mental institution Jump suit 2000" made of real silk?  
  
*Micheal shakes his head no, Domo fiercly throws the jump suit down. Micheal, upset, throws Domo ontop of a parked DeLorean. I, weirdDAR, come running up*  
  
weirdDAR: Oh my god! My deLorean! How the fuck could you destroy my beautiful--(Micheal stabs me in the heart, I die. yay!)  
  
Strange:(yelling from across the yard, holding a set of knifes) Hey, Micheal! Can I talk you into taking the price down for this knife by 50%?   
  
*Micheal thinks about it, when he makes up his mind, he throws his own knife at Strange...killing Strange in an instant*  
  
Narrarator: now, you would think that the fans would learn to not try to make any deals with Micheal, but some people never learn.  
  
*Kaz, another fan that will not write me hate mail, walks up to Micheal*  
  
Kaz: Could I interest you into letting me buy this house?  
  
*Micheal shakes his head 'no'*  
  
Kaz: Are you sure?  
  
*Micheal shakes his head 'yes'*  
  
*Kaz begins to walk away, but for fun...Micheal chokes her(?)*  
  
Narrarator: Three hours later...  
  
*Shannon, another fan that will not send me tons and tons of viruses, walks up to Micheal*  
  
Shannon: Look, Micheal, I just want to be able to talk to you without you killing me. Is that possible?  
  
*Micheal shakes his head 'no'*  
  
Shannon: Fine. *walks away, she leaves without being killed, since she didn't have a real conversation with Micheal. Plus, we need a survivor.*  
  
*Karima, Bradley, Ben and StarvingArtist both walk by, making cameos.*  
  
*Cedric walks up to Micheal*  
  
Cedric: Hi! I'm a big fan of yours...would you mind signing my tissue? *pulls out a tissue*  
  
*Micheal takes out a red pen(guess what the ink is made of) and signs the tissue*  
  
Cedric: Thank you, Mr. Myers!  
  
*Micheal, snaps Cedric's neck...for fun*  
  
*More cameos: Amber, someone and Dataflukey*  
  
*That one screwed up chick comes up to Micheal, begs for death, guess what happens.*  
  
*Tara arrives in a red ford Tarus*  
  
Tara: Oh my god! You're Micheal Myers. I loveeeeed all your movies. Could you do me a favor? I want to have my picture taken with you...  
  
*Last shot: Micheal is holding up Tara's head, with his knife in the other hand. Pretty picture.*  
  
THE END.  
  
Um...Conclusion  
  
Michael Myers ended up over dosing on Anti-depressants and is now dead. Kinda funny, isn't it?  
  
People try for years and years to kill this guy, and all it takes is a couple of Prozac pills.   
  
Makes you think, doesn't it? Anyway, he entered hell and met up with the popular Devil, aka Bill  
  
Cosby. Bill Cosby has a heart attack and Michael pushes him aside to take the throne in hell. Michael  
  
uses Weird Al as a foot rest and Kate Moss as a kite. He's happy now as the new Lucifer. He told me to  
  
send you his regards, and he'll "see you soon..." 


End file.
